Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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