New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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