I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
