My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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