We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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