I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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