ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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