....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
