Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
