He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
