She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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