I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
