But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
