the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
