she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
