Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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