Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
