i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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