Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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