I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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