i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
