R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
