i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
