I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
