wanna go halves on a baby?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we're making bets on your personal life
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
