i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
honey bunches of taint.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
