You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
