to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
