I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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