Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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