To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
