Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
