Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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