My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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