it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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