what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You smell like stripper and shame
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
where are you?
Hypothermia
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
