oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it because I queefed?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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