there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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