Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
