This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
