is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
