Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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