made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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