Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
