THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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