he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
