Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
