My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
