It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
