doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
