there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
