How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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