please come you make the beer taste better
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
