OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
