dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
