Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
